Yes, Chinese restaurants are mind readers! AND, I CAN prove it! Right now, call up your Chinese restaurant (assuming that they’re still open), and place an order for delivery. And I BET you it will arrive not in 45 minutes… heck, not even in 10 minutes. BUT, it will arrive BEFORE you make the call!
How did they do it? Is it magic? Do they know you better than you know yourself? Honestly? You know you call them ALL the time. They recognize your voice. They don’t even have to ask you your name, your phone number, or your address. They know. EVERYTHING!
They know what you like to order. They’re suggesting things… almost writing them down before the words come out of your mouth. Are we that predictable? We know that Chinese food is our comfort food. It’s our elixir to make us feel better. It’s our safe, go to food.
We order out enough. The pattern is there. It might be the same day every week. Some like it on Friday after a long week. Some like it over the weekend. Some totally enjoy it while they watch the ballgame. Some, if they had their druthers, would even have it at their wedding banquet.
The pattern is there. It’s well established. You’ve put it out to the Universe. And of course, the Universe MUST respond in kind.
But, I hear you asking, that doesn’t totally prove that their mind readers. But, I say they are. And I am going to prove it. TONIGHT!
How you say? With incontrovertible evidence. Scientific fact. And, you’ll even have records to prove it.
Do you still think I’m joshing you? You know I take my Chinese food VERY seriously. And, I take my science and experimentation just as serious. I’m an extremely logical thinking person. But, I love blowing peoples minds too. The mind is a joy to play with. And tonight. Right now, I’m going to PROVE to you my extremely bizarre claim that Chinese restaurants ARE mind readers.
Here’s how… Take notes please. Take pictures if you must. Have witnesses if anyone is still up.
What you’re going to do RIGHT now is pick up the phone and place an order. C’mon, don’t sweat what to order. Just get the usual. Right down the time that you placed the order. Do it now. Or, you won’t believe it.
The door bell rings. “DELIVERY!” they say. Open the door. SMELL the delicious food. Pay the delivery boy. Tip him nicely. It’s late, and THEY delivered half an hour BEFORE you placed the order!!! WHAT??? That can’t be you say! I say, “look at the clock! What time is it?”. Look at the piece of paper that you wrote down the time that you placed your order. To your utter amazement you see that you placed the order half an hour AFTER it was delivered!!!!
Enjoy your midnight snack!!
Humbly submitted for your consumption,
—Mee Magnum (“Chop! Chop!”)