The Take-Out Take-Down

March Madness Chinese Quest Style

Brackets, Brackets, Brackets. That’s all people are talking about at this time of the year.  It’s enough to make me mad!  Or crazy.  Or loco.  OK, spare me the insults.  Hmm… spare.  Spareribs.  Brackets.  Rackets.  Racks.  Racks of ribs.  UHHH!  See?  I’m going crazy mad.  Crazy mad with March Madness.

All this madness is making me hungry. Hmmm.  Food.  Quick!  What food can I have fast?  Hmmm… fast food.  Yes, that’s what I need.  And, I bet (no pun intended) that you need some too.  You’ve got to stay fueled to stay on top of all the madness, err games, going down (mmm… some succulent spareribs would go down real well right about now… especially with a Mai Tai.  Or two!).

I don’t know about you, but I know diddly squat about College Basketball. But I, and I bet you too, know food.  So let’s talk about food, shall we?  Let’s talk about something quick.  Fast.  Fast food!

Also, let’s keep it simple. 68 basketball teams?  34 first round games?  Yeah right!  Good luck with that one.  How about something a little bit more manageable, and easier to digest (are you catching on and realizing that there’s a pattern going on here?  So, let’s drop the deuce.  Nay triple that, make is a “six”… six pack of beer?  No.  Six as in the first digit.  Let’s reduce this down to “8”.  There.  Much more manageable.  And “8” is a very lucky number to the Chinese too!

Let’s make it even more participatory. You’re not going to be a casual bystander.  No.  You’re in the game.  You are the game.  YOU aren’t going to sit back and try to guess the winner of each game.  That’s completely out of your control.  Too many things can go wrong.  YOU are going to decide who wins each game.  Who, or what, advances to the next round.  And who, or what, will face the shame of elimination and not taste the fruits (or other things) of victory.

We have spent countless months, weeks, days, hours (err, would you believe a few minutes?) selecting the field. Do you remember the tournament?  Not THAT tournament.  OUR tournament.  Of course it’s all about food.  And you want it fast.  Like a fast break.  Slam Dunk, the Chinese Quest presents to you:

The Take-Out Take-Down

Eight types of fast food take-out foods. Competing head to head.  To find out what type of fast, take-out, food reigns supreme when it comes that type when you just gotta have some.

The Take-Out Take-Down starts in just a few days. The food types have been selected.  Seeded (whoever invented seedless grapes was a genius… but, of course, I digress).  Presented now without further ado the Take-Out Take-Down bracket:

You now have a few days to review the bracket. Ponder your choices.  Perhaps order something to put your mind in the game and help you choose those foods that are too close in your mind to call, but close enough that you can have what you want, typically in ten minutes or less!

First round voting will start on Monday. You will make selections in each of the first four head-to-head contests that will vie to move on to the semi-final round.

Humbly submitted for your consumption,

—Mee Magnum (“Chop!  Chop!”)

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