Happy New Year!
Do you think Chinese people go out and eat Jewish food on this day?
I don’t think so. But, I do know that they like to set off fireworks!
People rush to plant the first joss stick of the Chinese New Year at the stroke of midnight at a temple in Singapore early January 31, 2014. The Lunar New Year, which welcomes the year of the horse, falls on Friday. (REUTERS/Edgar Su)
China welcomed the arrival of the Year of the Horse with toned down celebrations on Thursday, as people heeded government pleas to set off fewer of the fireworks believed to bring good fortune, because of concern about air pollution.
I think a little chicken soup would ward off even more evil spirits and make your mother happy. What more could she want? Perhaps a nice girl for you? And stop playing with fireworks. You’ll lose a finger! Oye Vey! And would it kill you to call your mother once in a while? Or visit her? How many Chinese New Years’s do you think she has left?
Speaking of which:
Q: Why was Moses’s mother so happy?
A: Because she not only had fun in bed, but she made a prophet!
Q: Why did the Jewish mother want to be buried near Roosevelt Field Mall?
A: To be sure her daughter would visit her twice a week!
There are two theories on how to successfully argue with a Jewish mother. Unfortunately, neither works.
Happy Chinese New Year to all our brothers!
Humbly submitted for your consumption,
–Mee Magnum (“Chop! Chop!”)