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Two jokes to help you get through this hot August day while you wait for your Chinese food to be delivered. What else is a Jew to do to pass the time? Tell a funny of course!
An American Jew and Chinese man are sitting in a bar. Suddenly, the Jew pulls the Chinese guy off his stool and punches him. The Chinese guy, obviously startled, exclaims “What did you do that for?” “That was for Pearl Harbor!”, said the Jew. “That was the Japanese, not the Chinese,” said the Chinese man. “Chinese, Japanese, you’re all the same”, said the Jew. And both men sat back down at the bar. A short time later, the Chinese man suddenly pulls the Jew off his stool and punches him. “What was that for?”, asked the Jew.”That was for the Titanic,” the Chinese guy said.”What? My people had nothing to do with that,” said the Jew. The Chinese guy replied, “Iceberg, Hirshberg, Blumberg, you’re all the same”.
A few days before Passover a rabbi was walking home when he noticed his shamos walking ahead of him. The rabbi hurried to catch up as he had some important matters to discuss. Much to his dismay, the rabbi saw that the shamos had entered a Chinese restaurant. The rabbi couldn’t believe his eyes. He looked again and saw the shamos pointing to the menu and talking to the waiter. He looked again and saw the waiter deliver a tray of food to the shamos. Then he saw the shamos take the chop sticks and start eating a traif* meal, including shrimp. The rabbi could no longer contain himself. He burst into the resturant and said, “Moshe, what are you doing?” Moshe looked up and said to the rabbi, “I don’t understand.” The rabbi said, “I just saw you, Moshe, my most holy shamos, with all this traif food.” Moshe said, “Rabbi, did you see me come into this restaurant? ” “Yes I did,” replied the Rabbi. “Did you see me order the food?” “Yes I did” said the rabbi. “Did you see me eat the food?” “Of course I did! Why do you think I barged in here?” “Well then,” said Moshe, “I don’t see the problem. It was all done under rabbinical supervision!”
*traif means non-Kosher.
By the time you finish reading this your food should be ready! Unless it took you more that ten minutes to read it. In which case may we suggest an Evelyn Woods Speed Reading class?
Humbly submitted for your consumption,
—Mee Magnum (“Chop! Chop!”)