Gotta face the truth. Admit it. You ARE addicted to Chinese Food. Don’t worry. The Chinese Quest can help you cope with this debilitating “disease”.
My name is Mee Magnum and I am a Chinese Food-aholic. But today, I’m going to be your guide to salvation. All you have to do is just follow along with OUR 12 Step road to recovery:
Chinese Food Anonymous – Twelve Steps
STEP 1: We admitted we were powerless over our Chinese food addiction – that our lives had become unmanageable, though our lives have become extraordinarily delicious. And nutritious!
STEP 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. That along with the 20% of coupons we periodically receive in the mail and what we find online.
STEP 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of the Chinese Chef-God as we understood Chinese Chef-God. Oh mighty Chef, how we put our trust, and our palates, in thee.
STEP 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves, through a thorough reading of your menus, and through personal requests, neigh, pleas, to your extraordinary culinary talents.
STEP 5: Admitted to the Chinese Chef-God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs… and then invited them to dine with us.
STEP 6: We are entirely ready to have the Chinese Chef-God remove all these defects of character. For, as we all know, an hour from now we’d be hungry again anyways, and there would be no one around then to stop us from gorging our bulging tummies from yet another gastronomical orgy.
STEP 7: Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings. And our dirty, empty, plates, so we can fill them once again with more of your Chinese Chef-God offerings, which we eagerly, and hungrily, accept. And devour!
STEP 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all… by inviting them to break bread with us on our next Chinese Quest!
STEP 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others… especially if they were full. Or, morbidly obese.
STEP 10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. I admit it. I have a fever and there’s only one cure. I gotta have more Chinese food!
STEP 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with Chinese Chef-God as we understood Chinese Chef-God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out. Ommmmmmay I have some more, please?
STEP 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other Chinese food addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. The message is clear. You must share this URL: http://www.thechinesequest.com with everyone in your address book. You must insist that they subscribe to the blog; and, LIKE them on Facebook, FOLLOW them on Twitter, and post comments, as penance, on every article read on said blog.
Only then can you come to the enlightened realization that:
- It is ok to love Chinese food.
- It is ok to go out with friends to enjoy Chinese food.
- It is ok to take out Chinese food, and enjoy it in the privacy of your own home, without shame, remorse, or regret.
Humbly submitted for your consumption,
—Mee Magnum (“Chop! Chop!”)