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Funny Jewish / Chinese Restaurant Jokes

Did You Hear the One About…

So, while we wait a little while for the weather to thaw out so we can go out Questing again, instead of kvetching, we sat around with some take-out and shared a few jokes.  We hope you’ll like plotz like we did.

oldjewstellingjokes

A Jewish man and a Chinese man were conversing. The Jewish man commented upon what a wise people the Chinese are. “Yes,” replied the Chinese man, “Our culture is over 4,000 years old.

But, you Jews are a very wise people, too.” The Jewish man replied, “Yes, our culture is over 5,000 years old.”

The Chinese man was incredulous, “That’s impossible, he replied. Where did your people eat for a thousand years?”

 

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Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. “Sid,” asked Al, “are there any Jews in China?”

“I don’t know,” Sid replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?”

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, “Are there any Chinese Jews?”

“I don’t know sir, let me ask,” the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, “No, sir. No, Chinese Jews.”

“Are you sure?” Al asked.

“I will check again, sir,” the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Sid said, “I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere.”

When the waiter returned he said, “Sir, no Chinese Jews.”

“Are you really sure?” Al asked again.

“I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews.”

“Sir, I ask everyone,” the waiter replied exasperated. “We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews, but we have no Chinese Jews.”

 

bernbaums

An airplane takes off from the airport. The captain is Jewish and the first officer is Chinese. It’s the first time they’ve flown together and it’s obvious by the silence that they don’t get along. After thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain speaks, “I don’t like Chinese

The First Officer replies, ” Ooooh, no like Chinese? Why ees that?”

The Captain says, “You bombed Pearl Harbor. That’s why I don’t like Chinese.”

The F.O. says, “Nooooo, noooo… Chinese not bomb Pearl Harbah. That Japanese, not Chinese.”

And the Captain answers, “Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese… it doesn’t matter, they’re all alike.” Another thirty minutes of silence.

Finally the F.O. says, “No like Jew.” The Captain replies, “Why not? Why don’t you like Jews?”

F.O. says, “Jews sink Titanic.” The Captain tries to correct him, “No, no.

The Jews didn’t sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg.” The F.O. replies,” Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg, no mattah. All same.”

 

Submitted for your consumption,

Mee Magnum (“Chop!  Chop!”)

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